Monday

I drove our new car for the first time today. It drives nicely - a step up from our old car. It has these whiz-bang features that the other car doesn't have, like self-canceling indicators and seat adjusters that don't fall off in your hand. The tow bar scrapes alarmingly on the ground as you come in and out of the Playcentre carpark. The air conditioning is a luxury!

Our old car is now officially for sale on the trade and exchange website, as is one of my motorbikes (the GSF400). As our first quote for our much-needed bathroom fitout has come back eye-poppingly high, we may very well need to make some money off our excess vehicles!

Orla went to Playcentre for the first time today. It was a very pleasant session, lots of outside play in the sun and a small, happy group of children. Orla stayed in my meitai carrier (except when she came out for a quick feed during morning tea). The older two were picked up by another Playcentre mother, which was fantastic as I didn't get there myself until around 10.00.

However, Orla had a difficult afternoon. Something was worrying her, as she started screaming on the way back from Playcentre and didn't really stop until I started doing the tea. None of the usual tricks seemed to work. She's sleeping now, after a poo nappy, so maybe it was some kind of stomach cramp thing.

Fairy ballet again for Isabelle - Aidan, Orla and I walked down to the nearby dairy for a secret iceblock while big sister danced.

Orla's stirring now, so I had better publish this quickly before duty calls...

6 weeks

We had our 6 week check at the doctor's on Friday. Orla is now 4 kg. All was well (Orla has had her first (thankfully mild) cold, but she seems to be largely over that now). She had three injections, and seemed to cope fine, with only a slight raise in temperature on Friday evening and night.

I got jabbed too - apparently my natural immunity to rubella has waned sufficiently to warrant a top up.

And Isabelle had her four year old injections. I had been waiting until the time was right for these. Isabelle has been adamant that she did not want any more injections - I think it was the painful MenzB jabs that convinced her of this.

Anyway, I thought that Friday would be the perfect opportunity, given that Orla, and especially I, had to undergo this. As luck would have it, one of Isabelle's friends has recently had hers, and they had talked about it unprompted during a Playcentre session. I told Isabelle on Thursday afternoon (kindly, but firmly) that tomorrow was the day for her "school injections" (which I hoped would make them more acceptable). She almost protested, and almost cried at the news, but managed to accept the decision very well.

On the day itself, she was very tense. Orla went first. Isabelle opted for me to go next. Isabelle needed two jabs, one in the thigh and one in the arm. It was quite difficult. There were many tears. But now it is over. She has had no side effects to date (I understand that a possible rash with one of the injections can take a few days to come, if it is going to at all).

I'm glad I didn't lie and tell her that it wouldn't hurt. Because it does! The prick of the needle is fine, but it is really sore and stingy when the fluid is injected under the skin. And I imagine that if you are resisting, it would hurt even more. (She does have slight bruising on her arm).

Smile

I thought she had smiled at me a couple of weeks back - you can never be totally sure with those early grimaces! But last night there was not a shadow of a doubt. There was eye contact, and a big gummy grin!

Lovely.

A perfect world?

I got my regular newsletter from the Families Commission the other day. The lead story is about consultation and a report about out of school childcare services. In it, we discover that those consulted wanted quality services that were more than babysitting, but that provided "choices between relaxing, fun, education, and recreational and cultural activities". Families wanted these services at a place and time convenient to them. Oh, and they wanted someone else to pay for it.

Well....yes. This is all quite rational. In a perfect world, all this might happen as a matter of course.

It's easier to criticise than do, and it's quite possible that the communications person who wrote the story missed the juicier, more intellectually satisfying parts of the research. But seriously, I hope that not much money and time was spent discovering these particular results.

The real problem with this sort of stuff is that it doesn't appear to be linked to any meaningful outcomes. It's like we are researching out of school childcare because we want out of school childcare. But what is the purpose of this childcare? What are we hoping to achieve? What incentives are we creating? Could we achieve these goals by doing something different?

For example, if we're trying to create better opportunities, care and education for our school-aged children, perhaps we could achieve these results by enabling parents to be there for their children when they're not at school, if this is what they wish.

You see, as a parent, I'm increasingly uncomfortable with the tendency to professionalise and institutionalise child rearing. We're most definitely seeing this in the early childhood sector, and now it seems to be more and more the focus of our children's lives out of school. This increasingly separates children and adults, and compartmentalises family life into a frantic box of time, where we have to fit in the housework, leisure and our relationships. I've written about "quality time" on a previous post, but I firmly believe that quality time can only be built around a base of quantity time - being there for the everyday things that represent most of the real learning opportunities for children.

I think it was Germaine Greer who wrote that the divide between the adult world of work and the child's world of home (and care/education) was why women can feel so isolated if they choose to stay at home with their children.

Anyway, this is definitely not to say that parents shouldn't work. It may be entirely appropriate for both parents to work full time. And this is not about women and whether or not mothers should work outside the home - it's about families. I will always advocate strongly for the right to make choices and the freedom to find happiness through those choices for yourself and those closest to you. But we need to be aware of the environment we are creating and constantly check in that the possible outcomes are what we were seeking in the first place - especially when we're funding it through taxes.

Big boy, little girl

When I was pregnant with Aidan, I remember worrying that, once the baby was born, Isabelle would miss out on things. That, like in the books we read to our children before the baby’s birth, my attention would be taken up almost entirely by the new baby, and that the existing child would be out off to the side. While I’m sure it feels that way from the child’s perspective, my reality is that the toddler demands attention. It is the new baby that is carried hither and thither according to the needs of the other children, sleeping in cars, buggies, on the way to this or that. It is the new baby who only gets undivided maternal attention during the night feeds, or when the older child or children are out of the house or otherwise fully occupied. This is not a bad thing, nor a good thing. It’s just one way that a family’s dynamics develop.

And today, my little boy went to Playcentre without a parent for the first time. Another playcentre mother came to pick both children up. Aidan was very excited once she arrived, and ran up to her car. He smiled for photos (once he stood still long enough!) and happily waved to me as they departed. Such a big boy.

So now I am here in the house, just Orla and me. It is nice to take the time to hold her after her feed, her little head resting against my chest. I can kiss her head and murmur to her as she drifts off to sleep in the quiet house. I can hear her gentle breathing and her little grunts, and take the time to stroke her soft skin. I can watch her eyes as they try and focus on things of interest – the space above my head, the light from the window, the red armchair. It’s a far cry from the usual noise while she feeds: “Hey! No throwing inside! Hands off your sister! Be kind to your brother! Right! (takes surprised baby off the breast quickly and goes to intervene…

I do miss the big ones and our family isn’t complete unless all are here. But some time to stop and appreciate Orla is good too.

Sith vs Jedi

As I came into the lounge today, I found Count Dooku and Yoda crossing light sabres. Isabelle was the Jedi Knight, and Aidan was the Sith Lord. The light sabres had once been tent poles out of Isabelle's Disney Princess pop-up tent.

Great fun was being had, but I decided to swiftly construct new light sabres from yesterday's newspaper - much less likely to inflict mortal wounds.

Alas, Count Dooku's light sabre fell apart relatively quickly (due to the number and force of his many blows), so the Jedi once again triumphed over the Sith in the battle for the republic.

(Isabelle, and especially Aidan have been very interested in Brendon's Revenge of the Sith sticker book. Brendon got this as a birthday gift a couple of years ago. Aidan is particularly taken with Yoda. Brendon and I have hired a couple of dvds in the Star Wars series recently. Although the children haven't watched them, they took note of the dvd covers (especially pictures of Yoda), and they did watch the battle between Count Dooku and Yoda during Episode Two. Aidan has been experimenting with swishing the tent poles backwards and forwards at high speed, which results in a sound somewhat like a light sabre. And thus the imaginations took off....).

Working smarter

Day 2 and it has become apparent that I just have to work smarter, not harder. For example, two of our house rules are no throwing inside, and no playing in the clean washing. Aidan took the opportunity while Orla was feeding to throw clean washing at me. So, I have to remember - if I can't put the washing away straight away, it must go into another room out of reach of Aidan. Likewise with leaving the salt on the table...

Orla has just graduated out of her premmie-sized nappy covers. She is wearing her small fuzzi bunz for the first time as I type.

Monday looms...

Well, tomorrow Brendon goes back to work.

I think we are set - the first thing will be Playcentre tomorrow morning for Isabelle (and maybe Aidan). I have been offered some assistance in getting them from A to B, which is fantastic. Brendon is also hoping/planning to come home early in order to take Isabelle to fairy ballet.

We have three frozen meals in the freezer, and the promise of one more sometime this week.

My aims for the days ahead are both modest and challenging. I would like to:

1. Spend a bit of time with Isabelle and Aidan (separately) - this could be as short as a conversation or as long as a marathon book reading session. Quality of connection rather than quantity of time or specific activity matters the most in this case.
2. Achieve basic housework. This entails doing and putting the washing out, making food and doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor in the kitchen and dining area.
3. Achieve one extra piece of housework. This could be as simple as clearing away clutter from one area of the house, toilet cleaning, or a full house sweep.
4. Exercise. A quick walk, or maybe just one or two of the postnatal exercises I am supposed to be doing.
5. Some down time for me. Possibly internet time, lie down or getting to read all the newspaper.

If I don't blog for a week, you'll know I never made it to number five!

Plunket

Orla had her first Plunket home visit yesterday. She has gained more weight, and is now 3.81 kg. The Plunket nurse was very nice and spent quite a bit of time with us. Isabelle was very interested in proceedings. (Aidan had high initial interest, running in to show the nurse our baby saying "Orla Rocky! Orla Rocky!" along with enthusiastic gestures and pats. However, he was soon dispatched outside to assist Brendon with man chores when his bouncing on the couch started threatening the clean washing pile...).

We even managed to score some Plunket freebies, the best of which was a change mat (brought to you by Plunket in association with ACC). We also got a free disposable nappy, which will live in the glovebox in case of emergencies.

We will be visited again in about 4 weeks time.

Toxic television

Last night I found myself in the lounge with the remote control in hand, with Orla having a bit of a breastfeeding marathon. So I thought I'd have a look around and see what Wednesday night television had to offer.

First up, I happened upon a reality tv show - Dr 90210, the life and times of Beverley Hills plastic surgeons. Cue gory surgery shots of tummy tuck and breast implants....

The woman having the operation was very pleased with her results. Her husband was, almost predictably, quite rotund himself (and not lining up for any nips and tucks). However, he seemed genuine in his pronouncement that he didn't care how she looked, so long as she was happy and felt good about herself. He tenderly kissed her as she recovered from surgery, and made positive remarks about her transformation. She drank in his appreciation.

Meanwhile, one of the doctor's wives had just had a biopsy on a breast lump - could it be cancer? She was attractive (as befits a plastic surgeon's wife), and rib-showingly thin (excepting her large, firm and rounded breasts, again as befits a plastic surgeon's wife). We watched as she sat on his knee in his surgery while he rang her doctor for the biopsy results. Wonderfully, all was clear. The surgeon wiped a tear from his eye as he proclaimed that this confirmed for him that the most important thing in his life was his wife and family. His wife glowed with happiness, and the incredible sense of relief that such good news must bring. But then, his cellphone rang. The patient was ready for him. He stood and walked out of the room, talking on the phone, shutting the door behind him. For just a moment, there was this look of confusion and loneliness in the wife's face. It was as if she was still processing the good news and dealing with that rush of emotions - but he was gone. But then, as she quickly turned to the camera crew, it was back to big California smiles. I wondered.

Next flick was to a CSI programme. I used to like these, especially the whodunnit aspect and the interesting forensic information. But I stopped watching due to the excessive, gratuitous gore. Sadly, this was no exception. Cue headless corpse dangling and dripping from the ceiling. Cue the almost inhuman lack of reaction to this by the CSI crew - hardened enough to crack silly jokes, their faces devoid of empathy or any real emotion. Taking it all in stride.

On to the next channel.

Lost was showing. This would probably have been interesting if I had watched more than the first episode way back when.

Happily, Orla was now finished and I could do something else. Thank goodness there's cricket on tomorrow night...

Anniversary

Yesterday was our anniversary, and it was a busy day all round. I was presented with a gift at breakfast - copper earrings in a lizard shape - very cool! I made Brendon a bookmark with a wool plaited tail, so I think I got the best end of the deal this year (but in my defence, I can't really get out to the shops at the moment...).

After breakfast, Brendon accompanied both older ones to the first Playcentre session of the year. When they got back home, the children happily told me who they played with and what they chose to do. Isabelle matter-of-factly said it was just the same as last year. She is now second oldest on the roll, and the oldest attendee on Thursdays.

Later in the afternoon, Isabelle was off to the first fairy ballet session of the year (with Brendon taking her). She wore her new hot pink fairy dress (which was our gift to her at Christmas), pink ballet tights, pink ballet shoes and a double layer of t-shirts underneath. She wanted to wear her ballet shoes necklace, but I managed to convince her to leave that at home. (I was concerned it might get in the way, or worse, get lost or damaged...).

Meanwhile, I had a visitor - an old school friend and her little 3 month old daughter. The last time she came to this house, Isabelle was just a baby herself. It is nice to have her back in the same city again.

We had three anniversary cards, and two emails.

Nana Pam came around after work. The original plan was for her to take Isabelle and Aidan for a pizza picnic, but misty rain and a very tired little boy required a rejig of arrangements. Isabelle accompanied Nana Pam to McDonalds. Brendon ordered us a takeaway curry, while Aidan tucked into some dessert Brendon had bought earlier in the day. It was with great delight that Aidan ate his strawberry, jelly and custard treat, and with even greater delight that he squished most of it between his eager hands!

Aidan was asleep on my lap before Brendon got home with the curry. We had the works - samosa to start, garlic naans, rice and two mains (one vegetarian, one lamb). I even allowed myself a small taste of beer. (I did wonder how Orla would find the mix of curry and garlic, but if an unusual taste did reach my milk, she was apparently unconcerned). This was eventually followed by our share of the dessert.

Afterwards, we watched our wedding video. It was interesting to see how people have changed, and how the family has moved on. (Naturally I haven't changed a bit - hehe!). I only had one very small niece and even smaller nephew. I must show Isabelle and Aidan the video - I think they would be interested in seeing their very big cousins looking so small!

I'm now having left over curry for lunch. It's another beautiful day here. Orla is sleeping, and the big kids are out with Dad. The new car is down the road being looked over by the local mechanic (hopefully just to check fluids, oil and filter etc).

Only a few days of "holiday" left now....

Wool?

According to the internet, our upcoming seventh wedding anniversary is wool or copper (traditional) or the very uninspiring desk sets (modern). As the anniversary is only two days away, and given that I can't get to the shops, that means I have about enough time to knit Brendon something useful like - a peggy square. Or maybe a novelty nipple cover. Just what he always wanted!

Anyway, I mentioned to him that next year, the modern gifts seemed to offer much more excitement, being linens and lace. He replied that he would buy me a table cloth. Upon my indicating that it was the LACE option that I was favouring, he said that he would get me a doily instead. This caused an uproar of laughter from Isabelle and Aidan, for no apparent reason at all. I think they thought that doily was a made-up word! I told them that doilies were real, and that we had even bought one each for their grandmothers when we were in Belgium - to no avail at all.

I just looked it up in my Concise Oxford dictionary: doily, doyley (hmm, never seen that second spelling before - interesting) - small ornamental mat of paper, linen, etc, on plate for cakes etc. [orig. name of a fabric, f. surname]. Actually maybe a doily would be a fine anniversary gift - especially if it came with cake...

Due date

Today is Orla's due date. She is 4 weeks and 1 day old.

We had our last visit to the midwife today - Orla now weighs 3.4 kg. This is about halfway between what Isabelle and Aidan weighed at birth, so sounds about right! Next stops are our GP for the six week check, and Plunket.

It is a funny thing to miss out on the end of a pregnancy like that. Pregnancy is a means to an end, so ought not to be missed. And many women do find the last trimester uncomfortable and difficult. But oddly, there is a funny feeling there, as though something has been lost, and a feeling of truncation.

Continuing in the summer theme, we had another bbq tea outside tonight, followed by a second round under the sprinkler. Both bbq teas have included potatoes fresh from the garden - delicious!

Summertime

Summertime is definitely here. We have been enjoying several days in a row of beautiful weather, and tomorrow it looks set to continue.

The first real sign of summer was that today I washed almost all the pillows in the house. This is something that is only possible when a) you have cleared the backlog of washing that inevitably exists in a house with young children, and b) you are confident that you are going to be able to get the pillows, and all your other washing, dry. Both conditions require an extended period of fine and warm weather.

We had another bbq tea outside tonight, enjoying a still and almost completely fly-less evening. Brendon once again did the full meal preparation - exhausted from doing both the dishes AND cleaning the toilet, I had a wee nap on the couch in the half hour or so before dinner. ;-)

After tea the older children ran around outside and played in the sprinkler. Lots of shrieking, running, wetness and happiness. Both are now asleep, exhausted from their play.

Two other random things - first, Aidan is now well able to throw items onto the roof. This milestone is not altogether welcome! Second, I was able to diagnose ailment of the week about twenty minutes ahead of Dr House last night. (And why was a generalist diagnostician conducting brain surgery anyway?).

(Sorry, I guess you have to have seen the programme for that last bit to make sense....!)

Internet shopping

One of the perks of having a newborn is that you can get two free deliveries of groceries when you order them on the internet. So, Saturday morning's mission was to try out internet grocery shopping.

I don't mind grocery shopping as a rule. While not being something I would do for recreation, it's not one of those chores that I dread. The main difficulty is finding a suitable time, and child management. If the children are happy and co-operative, shopping is easy. If not.....

As expected, it took a while - about an hour. This isn't too bad though, considering that supermarket shopping would usually take us that long. You get used to your own supermarket, so you expect things to take just that little bit longer when you try any new shop.

Like magic, our groceries arrived at the door on time and in good order this morning. Meat and dairy were chilled and well packed. The fresh produce looked to be of good quality. So here's my take on it so far.

Pros: No issues with child management, no petrol used, do it on the internet whenever it suits, groceries carried down our steps and inside the house by someone else! It's easy to budget and see exactly how what you are buying affects the total cost (very easy to just not even click on the "biscuits and cakes" section!). It would be great for people who like to buy more or less the same thing every week, as your shopping list is saved. This would also make shopping extra fast.

Cons: I like to read labels - almost impossible on-line. I chose "no substitutions", on the grounds that with some items, I care very deeply about getting the exact right thing. Consequently, there were about 4 products that I ordered that were missing due to not being in stock. There also seems to be less choice on-line (or maybe I just couldn't find what I was after). Two examples - I will not buy battery eggs, but I'm happy with non-free range, so long as they are SPCA approved. Of course, on-line you can't see the SPCA stickers, so I went with the more expensive free range eggs (greater cost in this case being the lesser evil!). Strawberry milk was apparently available only in 2 litre lots, and only one brand was showing, so no strawberry milk this week.

I find too that at the supermarket, I can scan a row of products and take in a lot of information very quickly - you can see what's in season, compare prices per kilo, or narrow a large number of choices of products to one or two. You just can't do this in the same way on-line.

Although specials were available, I suspect that some items could be cheaper in-store. And no fuel dockets either. We couldn't use our reusable bags, so now we have an explosion of plastic bags in our bag tidy.

I think the standard delivery charge for our area is $10, which seems reasonable, but which is another con.

So, the verdict so far is that I like internet grocery shopping, but I can't see me relying on it every week. Certainly it is handy with a new baby in the house, or if you were unable to get out for some reason. I still like to touch, feel, compare and do all those things you do in a real shop.

Making the most of it

I am making the most of Brendon being at home. I am well able now to care for myself, care for Orla, and do a little bit of housework. However, I am also taking time to do things like my blog and my internet forum, as I know that very soon I will probably not have the time or space to do these things very often. In theory, this is the sort of stuff that gets done when the children are in bed. But my bedtime seems to coincide with Aidan's, and I can't see that changing in the near future!

I am quite happy at the moment to spend my days at home, getting my social interaction via the internet and the odd phone call here and there. I'm still very protective of little Orla, and not really ready to have her inspected by all and sundry. I'm sure I will look forward to showing her off when the time is right. I feel there is enough to fill my day (and more) within our home.

The weather has been lovely here over the past few days though, and I do want to make the most of the summer. It is lovely to have all the washing nicely line-dried, windows open and no heaters on (finally!). And today I am actually wearing shorts.

In the meantime, Brendon is almost solely responsible for the bigger two. This includes basically all of Aidan's nappies, the entertaining, the showering, the refereeing, the breakfast, lunch and tea. The small payback is that I am the one doing almost all Orla's nappies, and all the night-time care. With the other two, when the baby cried at night Brendon would get up, change them, and bring them to me. We fell into this pattern after the first caesarean, when it would take me quite some time to be able to physically sit up and get in a comfortable breastfeeding position. Brendon still has the prerogative of being chief baby bather.

Orla is now lasting four hours between one or two of her night feeds. This has made a big difference to how refreshed I feel in the morning (it's essentially an extra hour's sleep). Over the weekend, I didn't even have a nap during the day, and was still in a reasonable state come bedtime.

This coming week I am thinking of trying to get into a different pattern, in anticipation of the return to work, Playcentre, fairy ballet - just the world in general really! It's going to be another period of adjustment - but I suspect that constant readjustment will be the pattern for some time yet. And I'm quite happy with that.

In loving memory

February already. Max Biaggi graces our calendar, and we have well and truly entered what I will always think of as "birthday season". After the Christmas period and New Year's Eve birthday, birthday season starts on 19 January, continues today, tomorrow (x 2), the 13th, the 16th, the 18th, and finishes 9 March. Things change, as they inevitably do. I can now add 10 January to the list. I can add two wedding anniversaries - one of which is my own. And while some of those birthdays are no longer actively celebrated as such, they are always, always remembered.

Family wagon

We have a new car! Delivered today, fresh from a yard in Upper Hutt. A new car has been on the cards for some time - we thought at first that we couldn't fit three car seats in the back of our Holden, which meant that we were aiming to get something sorted before the new baby came. In part, Orla's early arrival meant that just didn't happen. However, Brendon was able to squeeze everyone in, which meant that the pressure was off a little.

We saw this car at the yard around Christmas before it had been prepared for sale. We thought at the time that it had everything we were looking for. Then, Brendon saw it advertised a few days ago and checked it out. And now it is ours.

Buying a car is always a risk, so here's hoping that this vehicle will be as good a deal as our last one proved. The Holden isn't flash, but it has provided worthy service and most importantly, has got us from A to B when we needed it to.

Found!

I can't remember exactly when Brendon lost his wedding ring, but it must have been 2-3 years ago. It was thought to be lost in the garden. Getting a metal detector has been on the "things to do" list for a while. One day, we even made it to the hire place, but they didn't have any available that day. But yesterday, Brendon managed to get hold of one.

The ring was found! It took only a few minutes too. This makes me very happy - and it's happened nicely in time for our upcoming 7th wedding anniversary too.

Aidan's clothing

Aidan likes to choose what he wears, and has definite preferences. Currently, he will not wear shorts, and switches between his "elephant jeans" (blue trousers with a little elephant label) and his "pink pants" (pink fluffy tracksuit-like trousers). He loves his new "pirate socks" (half price on sale at Kirk's - $5 for 4 pair) which feature a skull and crossbones. His Tractor Tom socks are also favourites. He also loves wearing his boots, and usually protests vigorously when they are removed. On top he favours his Tractor Tom singlet (usually worn as the outermost garment), or his red t-shirt with the kangaroo on it. But sometimes he will take you by surprise and choose something entirely different. A preferred state of dress is total nakedness!

Aidan is actively resisting big boy pants, but is especially fond of his burgundy, pink and peach coloured nappies.

Isabelle's clothing

Isabelle wears skirts and dresses, and only skirts and dresses. She usually wears these with tights, regardless of the weather. Her preferred footwear is her pink sandals (she no longer wears her boots as they are "not fashion"). When she goes out, she often applies the lipstick her cousin gave her. She does her hair, often engaging an adult to help her with the bobbles, clips and the hot pink feather boa that is sometimes attached to her ponytail. On special occasions (such as play dates, or a trip to the supermarket) she adds rings, clip-on earrings and a tiara.

It is very important that her clothing is "pretty". She takes care to match things. Pink, and sometimes purple, are the colours of choice.

Trains and castles

Isabelle and Aidan get a lot of use out of their train set. Here is Aidan, taking Henry the Green Engine over the bridge, while Isabelle helps Lady pull the milk tanker. Today's set up has been improved by the addition of a rather grand station or two in the form of a castle that Isabelle got for Christmas. She painted it (with Daddy's help) pink, orange and green.

It is lovely to listen in to their play (which is usually co-operative) and to watch as they learn to manipulate the tracks, trains and accessories and devise new layouts of their own.