Big boy, little girl

When I was pregnant with Aidan, I remember worrying that, once the baby was born, Isabelle would miss out on things. That, like in the books we read to our children before the baby’s birth, my attention would be taken up almost entirely by the new baby, and that the existing child would be out off to the side. While I’m sure it feels that way from the child’s perspective, my reality is that the toddler demands attention. It is the new baby that is carried hither and thither according to the needs of the other children, sleeping in cars, buggies, on the way to this or that. It is the new baby who only gets undivided maternal attention during the night feeds, or when the older child or children are out of the house or otherwise fully occupied. This is not a bad thing, nor a good thing. It’s just one way that a family’s dynamics develop.

And today, my little boy went to Playcentre without a parent for the first time. Another playcentre mother came to pick both children up. Aidan was very excited once she arrived, and ran up to her car. He smiled for photos (once he stood still long enough!) and happily waved to me as they departed. Such a big boy.

So now I am here in the house, just Orla and me. It is nice to take the time to hold her after her feed, her little head resting against my chest. I can kiss her head and murmur to her as she drifts off to sleep in the quiet house. I can hear her gentle breathing and her little grunts, and take the time to stroke her soft skin. I can watch her eyes as they try and focus on things of interest – the space above my head, the light from the window, the red armchair. It’s a far cry from the usual noise while she feeds: “Hey! No throwing inside! Hands off your sister! Be kind to your brother! Right! (takes surprised baby off the breast quickly and goes to intervene…

I do miss the big ones and our family isn’t complete unless all are here. But some time to stop and appreciate Orla is good too.