What I've been reading: Pennie Brownlee
I have read Pennie Brownlee's latest: Dance with me in the Heart: the adults' guide to great infant-parent partnerships, published by the New Zealand Playcentre Federation.
First, I have to say that this is a lovely book. Overall I want to stress that it is great (and a fine antidote to some of the other parenting books out there). So some of what I have to say next shouldn't detract from this overall thumbs-up.
What I like about the book is that it doesn't focus on telling us what to do with our babies (like most parenting books), or giving advice. Instead, it outlines a philosophy or approach, and gives examples of how it might work by applying it to different areas of a baby's life.
In fact, I believe the book is at its weakest when it tries to offer this advice. Baby won't sleep in his/her own cot? Simple! Think happy thoughts, reassure your baby with kind words and just wait for this new sleep habit to set in. This sort of thing made me (most ungraciously and unfairly) roll my eyes, refer to the biographical detail and think: oh! so you only had ONE child right? And it worked for them? The one child thing came to mind again when she argued that staying home with your little child was only 3-4 years out of the workforce. I've been out of the full-time workforce for almost six years - and my youngest is still just a toddler.
The stuff about feeding on your lap was slightly annoying too. Annoying because while I agree with it in principle, its practice is really hard. The solution? Well, if the nurses in Budapest can do it with eight babies at a time, then what's your problem? Hmmmm. I'm not a Hungarian nurse. I don't get to leave at the end of my shift to have a coffee by myself and a read of the newspaper. And I'm at the stage now where I just like to eat my dinner without a toddler pouring mince into my lap.
I also question on a factual basis her assumptions regarding toilet training based on my experience of, and research on elimination communication.
I also feel that she makes the mistake that we humans often make of assuming that others see the world through our eyes - ironically in an attempt to make us appreciate how a baby sees things. Pennie sometimes asks questions like "well how would you feel if x happened?" It's quite plain what we are supposed to feel. But different adults will have different emotions at that point. So why wouldn't different babies also feel differently? Why do we think that babies would perceive many things in the same way as an adult anyway? The "how would you feel" question is only relevant if it is used to attempt to get an adult to look at things from the child's perspective, rather than as a prescription of how to behave. It is for this exact reason that I never ask a child a question like "how would you feel if x told you you couldn't play with them?". That child might reply quite truthfully "I wouldn't care". And there goes the lost learning moment....
Some of the science behind the heart coherence stuff just sounds incredibly dodgy. Or maybe it's just my closed mind! I had a quick squiz on the internet at the www.heartmath.org (one of her references) and while it looked quite flash, I could tell that it would take me far more time than I had available to assess whether or not this research was soundly based, peer-reviewed and published in respected journals, or just someone's way cool ideas.
In the end, those details don't really matter as much as her core message of respect and loving partnership. There's lots to like. I like her overall rejection of baby containers - although I'm not as hard-core as she is. I like the respect she gives to our little ones. I love the simplicity of her vision. Some of her paragraphs truly resonated with me in a way that made me forgive the ones that raised my eyebrows.
Check it out for yourself....
First, I have to say that this is a lovely book. Overall I want to stress that it is great (and a fine antidote to some of the other parenting books out there). So some of what I have to say next shouldn't detract from this overall thumbs-up.
What I like about the book is that it doesn't focus on telling us what to do with our babies (like most parenting books), or giving advice. Instead, it outlines a philosophy or approach, and gives examples of how it might work by applying it to different areas of a baby's life.
In fact, I believe the book is at its weakest when it tries to offer this advice. Baby won't sleep in his/her own cot? Simple! Think happy thoughts, reassure your baby with kind words and just wait for this new sleep habit to set in. This sort of thing made me (most ungraciously and unfairly) roll my eyes, refer to the biographical detail and think: oh! so you only had ONE child right? And it worked for them? The one child thing came to mind again when she argued that staying home with your little child was only 3-4 years out of the workforce. I've been out of the full-time workforce for almost six years - and my youngest is still just a toddler.
The stuff about feeding on your lap was slightly annoying too. Annoying because while I agree with it in principle, its practice is really hard. The solution? Well, if the nurses in Budapest can do it with eight babies at a time, then what's your problem? Hmmmm. I'm not a Hungarian nurse. I don't get to leave at the end of my shift to have a coffee by myself and a read of the newspaper. And I'm at the stage now where I just like to eat my dinner without a toddler pouring mince into my lap.
I also question on a factual basis her assumptions regarding toilet training based on my experience of, and research on elimination communication.
I also feel that she makes the mistake that we humans often make of assuming that others see the world through our eyes - ironically in an attempt to make us appreciate how a baby sees things. Pennie sometimes asks questions like "well how would you feel if x happened?" It's quite plain what we are supposed to feel. But different adults will have different emotions at that point. So why wouldn't different babies also feel differently? Why do we think that babies would perceive many things in the same way as an adult anyway? The "how would you feel" question is only relevant if it is used to attempt to get an adult to look at things from the child's perspective, rather than as a prescription of how to behave. It is for this exact reason that I never ask a child a question like "how would you feel if x told you you couldn't play with them?". That child might reply quite truthfully "I wouldn't care". And there goes the lost learning moment....
Some of the science behind the heart coherence stuff just sounds incredibly dodgy. Or maybe it's just my closed mind! I had a quick squiz on the internet at the www.heartmath.org (one of her references) and while it looked quite flash, I could tell that it would take me far more time than I had available to assess whether or not this research was soundly based, peer-reviewed and published in respected journals, or just someone's way cool ideas.
In the end, those details don't really matter as much as her core message of respect and loving partnership. There's lots to like. I like her overall rejection of baby containers - although I'm not as hard-core as she is. I like the respect she gives to our little ones. I love the simplicity of her vision. Some of her paragraphs truly resonated with me in a way that made me forgive the ones that raised my eyebrows.
Check it out for yourself....
posted by Mary at 12:47 pm
3 Comments:
Interesting - I saw the book at the PC shop in Auckland and wondered about it because I love Magic Places so much. Some of that advice makes me laugh - for at least the first six months of Munchkin's life she would pretty much scream - turn purple and scream - if she wasn't in my arms, and preferably with boob in mouth. No amount of kind words and positive thoughts were going to change that!!!! The number of well meaning grandmas, aunties, friends who were convinced they could settle her and failed would testify to this :) I will still give it a read though - always good to know what's around. Have you read Inspired to Build - that looks really cool.
No I haven't read that one - saw it but decided on the PB book instead.
Although of course I encourage you to read the book itself to assess whether or not I've been fair!
Mary,
I agree with you that yes, it is a lovely book and the overall core message of respect and a loving partnership with your child is beautiful.
I believe in this message so deeply that this is how I have raised my three children; On the teachings of Dr. Emmi Pikler, Magda Gerber and now Pennie Brownlee. As a mother that has gone into this detail, I would like to share with you how it has worked for me.
I have always slept with my babies in the same room as me. I found I could be attentive to their needs and they were really good. They knew if they woke and cried I would be there and I was always clam, reassuring and trusting them that they could settle themselves and have a good nights sleep.
My children have never had high chairs. I always fed my babies on my lap, it was a natural progression from breatfeeding. My youngest son is 15 months and now sits at the table with his siblings. This is something he has chosen to do and is very competent at using a knife, fork and spoon. Sometimes, if he wants to, I feed him sitting on my knee, it's nice to have that close contact and relationship building time for his ever growing brain.
I think when respecting infants it is important to see them as a partner and see the world through their eyes. For example I would never just dive in and wipe my children's nose. Someone demonstated that to me many years ago and to me it felt awful! So knowing that, I would never do it to my baby but instead hold the tissue in front of his face and wait for him to lean into it. At the same time I would never say to a child 'how would you feel if...?' Children are still learning their social skills, empathy etc. We as adults should already have these skills and it is up to us to teach our tamariki through example and respect.
So, I have never given my children 'tummy time',never given them dummies, never put them in high chairs or restained them in bouncers/ walkers or the like. I have let them be free on the floor and let the natural progression of learning to move take place. I have three children under five and I work full time at an early childcare centre where we impliment this philosophy. I went back to work when my babies were three months old as their primary caregiver.
I am glad you enjoyed this book. I have to say I so far have found raising my children a joy and have people like Dr. Emmi Pikler, Magda Gerber and Pennie Brownlee to thank for showing me how to do with the upmost respect and love. I look forward to the next 20 years!
Post a Comment
<< Home