Newspaper angst

Well, it is true. This blog is filled with little anecdotes about my children (gorgeous, cute and talented, of course) rather than insightful analysis of social issues and informed opinion. Actually I write my best analytical commentaries in the shower each morning, but I haven't perfected multitasking to the extent of making use of any of that.

So, to compensate, here is a sample of my usual essays of high-powered intellectual criticism, the arguments fully informed by research and consideration rather than prejudice, half truths and half the information. Ahem.

Shake newspaper.

"What, Tonks Ave historic precinct a haunt of drunks, druggies and prostitutes?! What's new! Surely it was like that in the 1800s. Those by-pass protestors should be happy at retention of historic culture!"

Shake newspaper. Turn page.

"Celebrate their lives. Celebrate their lives! What's wrong with being in mourning? Are we not allowed to grieve anymore? Isn't there a season for everything? Humph".

Shake. Shake shake shake.

"Well humph! No, Mr Police Officer, No! It is certainly NOT just an accident that could happen to anyone. It is NOT just an unfortunate take-my-eyes-off-for-one-minute thing. Dangerous dogs and toddlers do not mix and this was ENTIRELY preventable".

SHAKE. SHAKE SHAKE.

"Oh why even bother interviewing the Sensible Sentencing guy".

Flick. Smooth.

"Oooo permaculture".

Turn page gently.

"Well what's with that? Elderly woman living on her own. In a new house described as "compact". Which is larger than ours which is home to five people. Next to comment that it is the young who expect vast acres of house space. Who writes this stuff?"

Oh well, keeps me busy in the morning. And I still have some of the paper in reserve, unread for tomorrow...