Positions and movements of the co-sleeping child

Here are ten common positions and movements of the co-sleeping child.

1. The Jesus. The child lies in the centre of the bed, on their back, arms outstretched. The adults balance on each side of the bed.
2. The Ladder. The child lies across the bed horizontally. The adults cling to the edge of the bed. (Advanced ladder involves lying across both pillows at once).
3. The Zed. The child lies diagonally across the centre of the bed. The adult who has the head closest to them eventually copies the child's angle of lie and sleeps comfortably, and can't understand what the other adult is complaining about.
4. The Starfish. The child lies on their back, all four limbs extended.
5. The Velcro child. The child adheres themselves to one of the adults (usually the mother). The other adult (usually the father) can't understand what the other adult is complaining about.
6. Meteorites. The child's fists/feet/elbows/knees fire random blows at random parts of both adults throughout the night.
7. The Chrysalis. Throughout the night, the child, from whatever position in the bed, coils themselves in the bedding so that one or both adults are left shivering.
8. The Sieve (as in leaking like). The child spills bodily fluids (either end). Inevitably, an adult ends uncomfortably close to the result, while the child sleeps peacefully on a dry bit.
9. The Alarm Clock. The child sits bolt upright periodically throughout the night to check the time, thus waking both adults. The child goes back to sleep immediately. One or both adults do not. The child merrily announces official "wake up time".
And of course.....
10. The Cherub. Warm, chubby, peaceful little babe, lying in the bed.