What I've been reading: Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer

Toxic childhood: How the modern world is damaging our children and what we can do about it had a slightly unexpected effect on me. Rather than making me depressed, or even analytical, I found myself giggling through some sections. Which is not a criticism, just a reflection of where I am in the genre. I think I've read enough parenting books now so that things are starting to repeat themselves a bit and my attention wanders somewhat. When I'd read that Sue Palmer was

a former primary headteacher in the Scottish Borders

I formed an unfortunate stereotype in my head and I kept imagining a rather prim figure bemoaning the state of society and the feral underclass and the downfall of western civilisation. After all, a 2005 survey found that three quarters of pre-teens do not put their knives and forks together at the end of a meal (pg 33). Good heavens!

She also writes things that I seriously doubt would get published in New Zealand. Such as:

Thus 'the getting of literacy' creates enriched neural networks in children's brains, which may well be significant in the development of civilised behaviour. I don't think it's any coincidence that written language has proved a key element in all successful civilisations and that universal literacy appears essential to the success of democratic systems. (pg 201)

In a couple of chapters, she really seemed to have a bee in her bonnet despite entreaties from others (that she refers to in the text) to tone things down. Actually I think I enjoyed those chapters the most - nothing like a bit of passion and colour to make a book come alive!

Anyway. I think what Sue has to say is essentially correct, and if you distill the essence of her work, she makes a number of very sound and sensible recommendations about parenting. If you came out of it with nothing more than her authoritative mantra of "warm but firm, warm but firm" you would take away something of value. But here's some criticisms, questions and comments.

- This is a book written by a former teacher, who seems to make her living lecturing teachers. You could read it easily using homeschooling lens and frequently say "Aha! AHA! So why keep them in school at all then?!" Some of her comments are a bit...disempowering of parents shall we say. Such as:

Teachers learn about childish wiles through wide experience, but most parents' experience of children is limited. (pg 292)

I think I know what she's getting at, but I would have put it...differently. Perhaps it is only natural that an educationalist would not see the education system as part of the problem, or would argue that most of the problems lie primarily in the hands of parents to resolve. (Don't be fooled by this criticism though - there's lots in the book that is critical of educational systems that research shows do not work. And what doesn't work is early and competitive academics. I quite liked her idea of separating positive and real competition (such as that on the sports field) with that which is far too important not for everyone to be a winner (development of literacy, numeracy and a love of learning).
- An attachment parent Sue is not. Lots here about "proper" routines and this gem of a quote:

One important truth is that children - even very small children - are naturally manipulative. They have to be to ensure their survival - as the smallest and weakest of humans, they have to rely on psychology to make sure their needs are noticed. So they learn very early how to reward adults with smiles and punish them with screams, and as time goes on many become extremely adept at getting their own way.

(pg 292). Golly. My baby is performing behaviourist psychology on me to get his own way! I find this a really odd way of looking at the world - it assumes that children are extremely empathic and aware of the world around them very early on, rather than simply being highly focused on their own needs (because that's all they are aware of at first) and expressing their needs the only way they know how. In order to do all this "rewarding" and "punishing" they would have to have quite a good ability to take the perspective of another - an advanced skill indeed and ironically enough, perhaps the key to detoxing a childhood.
- I seriously doubt whether the golden age of childhood and parenting that keeps hovering just out of view ever really existed. I wonder what Sue would make of Parenting for a Peaceful World? Was there ever really an "adult alliance" out there, protecting the community's kids in exchange for good manners and respect?
- It's probably all too easy to mock her concern for the development of a feral underclass, but I quite liked the "Mind the Gap" sections. Because there are haves and have-nots in society. And there's only one lot who is going to be reading this book.
- If I had read the words "electric speed" one more time, I would have screamed.